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If I Had a Billion Dollars |
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It was reported just the other day that Miley Cyrus, of “Hannah Montana” fame, is worth approximately $1 billion. Miley Cyrus is a major TV star and pop sensation, so you had to figure she was worth quite a pretty penny. But a billion dollars? That seems pretty amazing when you consider two things. First off, Miley Cyrus only became a major mainstream star within the past year. Sure, she’s been acting for a while, but only young kids and parents of young kids knew who she was until recently. Secondly, and perhaps most amazingly, Miley Cyrus is 15. Fifteen years old!! To have a billion dollars at any point in your life is an astonishing feat that only a small percentage of people can accomplish. To do it at 15 is downright unthinkable.
Unfortunately Miley can’t touch any of the money until she turns 18, as her parents have control of her finances until she becomes an adult. If you’re picturing a massive legal battle between Miley and her parents three years from now, you’re probably right. I know if I made a bunch of money at 15, my parents would’ve gone on a ridiculous spending spree for the next three years as I watched helplessly from my 10’x12’ room. It’s pretty much impossible to spend a billion dollars in the town where I grew up, but I know my parents could’ve put a major dent in that. I would’ve turned 18 and inherited about $600 million, maybe $700 million max. Factor in taxes and we’re down to about $300 million.
There is a reason they make laws that say a 15-year old has to turn over control of finances to their parents, and I am exactly why that rule exists. Now, I never had a billion dollars at 15. I probably had twenty bucks, unless you count baseball cards as “assets,” in which case it was closer to $500. But if I had a billion dollars, you can bet I would have spent it as frivolously as possible. First off, I would’ve bought a Hummer H2, because I used to think that you could literally drive over traffic in those things when I was a kid. Like, you’d be stuck in traffic, you switched gears, and you drove over the top of every car to get where you needed to go. I also would’ve purchased my own video game company, which would’ve failed miserably when I spent all day playing the games instead of making them. I would’ve paid Tom Cruise (the 1996 version) $50 million to film my life story. I would have bought a $15 million dollar house next door to my parents house so I had a place to play the drums without my mom saying it was too loud, but I was still close enough where I didn’t have to cook my own dinner. I would’ve hired a maid, but just so I could say I hung out with a girl. I used to wake up to Oasis’ “Be Here Now” CD and I probably would’ve paid the band to come and be my alarm clock. Of course, who knows if I would’ve used that, because I would’ve donated $100 million to my high school to change the start of the school day to 1PM so I could sleep in.
Sounds crazy, right? Well don’t think I’m alone. I know every one of my friends would’ve done the same. So if you’re wondering why 15-year olds aren’t allowed access to their own money, that’s why.
Jason Gluckman is a freelance writer with expertise in music, TV, entertainment, <a href="http://www.shoutmouth.com/">ringtones</a>, social issues, politics and self-improvement.
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